"Did you think I was cute when I was a baby?"

When I was at my parents' house recently, I spent quite a bit of time with my six-year-old cousin Izzy. At one point, he asked me out of the blue, "Did you think I was cute when I was a baby?"

His mother was within earshot and explained to me that Izzy is really insecure (despite being absolutely adorable) and would ask those questions a lot. It made me think about insecurities and how we think of and deal with them. We tend to psychoanalyze people we don't like in the context of their insecurities. (For example, "He can't stand people with stellar credentials because he's insecure about his own resume.") But although we ridicule insecurity-ridden people, I know very few people who don't have, at some point or another, an insecurity about something. So I don't think having insecurities is the mark of a bad or deficient person.

In the past, I used to react uncharitably to questions (like Izzy's) that were driven by insecurity and that sought reassurance from me. I'd respond to "Does my stomach look fatter?" with a "Yes" without even looking. I just didn't want to have to deal with that sort of question again, and I figured by providing an unkind answer, I wouldn't be asked again.

But Izzy's question made me think that questions like that aren't so bad after all. Those questions are mostly harmless. I've had enough with adults who deal with their insecurities by manipulating others and/or waging stupid territorial wars. And I've decided that it's much better to be naked about your insecurities and seek reassurances by asking questions like Izzy's than to play mind games.