21

"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
He said to me, you must not ask for so much.
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
She cried to me, hey, why not ask for more?"
- Leonard Cohen


I was probably not more than 8 when my cousin explained to me the rules of 21, otherwise known as Blackjack. I thought it was the second stupidest card game ever. I thought the stupidest card game was War, in which you shuffle, divide the deck among two players, flip cards, and determine who wins the round by who has the higher card. Blackjack didn't seem much more intellectually involved than War.

"So that's it? You just decide if you want another card or stick with what you've got?"

"Yeah, that's how you play 21."

It seemed too simple to be a card game, let alone a card game that adults played and bet money on. It was binary. Do you want more or is that enough?

But even though the decisions are binary, there's a lot more to 21 than saying "more" or "enough." If you ask for too much, then you lose. If you don't ask for more at the right time, you lose. You have to know when to stop and when to ask for more.

And isn't most of life like a big game of 21? Most of our decisions can be broken down into binary questions like more/enough, more/less, etc. Should I put on another layer of clothes, or am I warm enough? Should I put on a more or less revealing outfit for tonight? Should I add more salt, or have I already added enough? Harder decisions are also often binary. Should I share more of myself, or have I already given too much of myself? Should I tell my friend more of the truth (which might hurt her), or have I already said enough? Should I wear my heart on my sleeve one more time, or has it been paraded in public enough already? Should I stay here any longer, or have I already been here too long?

Sadly, just as when I was 8, I'm still not good at 21.