Faking it

During my most recent trip to Europe, I finally met some native French speakers who didn't mind speaking French to me: Air France stewardesses. They might have been duped into thinking that I actually speak French fluently, because our conversation was limited to my choices of beverage and of the in-flight meal. I faked French fluency by practicing the phrases in my head, then delivering them with complete confidence as the stewardesses approached me.

I was elated to speak French to a French person and not receive a scowl in return; I was even more delighted when they spoke French back to me. Before that, the only French people I'd met who did not scowl at me for attempting to speak French were my French instructors.

Speaking with the Air France stewardesses made me realize that it was easier than I thought to fake French fluency. The key was to speak with confidence and a touch of arrogance, and I would be taken for a native French speaker.

When I had dinner in Pisa later that night, I faked it in Italian by mimicking whatever the Italian restaranteur said to me. "Un acqua naturale?" he asked.

"Si, un acqua naturale, per favore," I responded, making a mental note to distinguish the kind of water I wanted when ordering water in Italy.

After my first night in Italy, it occurred to me that it might be possible to fake fluency in a foreign language, at least for surface interactions. One might be able to fake it by mastering ten or so key phrases and picking up the rest from street signs, magazine covers, and listening in on others' conversations.

Then I realized that I am often faking it in English when I talk to strangers. I fake it in English not because I have trouble with the language, but because I often don't want to make a full effort to participate in a conversation. Many a time when I find myself an unwilling participant in a conversation with a stranger, I don't actually listen. I fake it by tuning in only a fraction of the time, and by responding with a few well-placed key phrases such as "absolutely," "you're right," and "I see." I seem to fake it very well, because the strangers seem to think that I'm very engaged in the conversation. Then they leave convinced that I find them interesting and that I'll call them at the number they gave me. Then I feel bad that I faked it. But not that bad.